The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
