I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
