i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Randomize
