3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
