Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
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