Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
