and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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