Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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