Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I see more hoeing in ur future
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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