No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
The beer is more important than you right now.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Randomize
