U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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