im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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