why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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