guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Randomize
