I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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