Well apparently he's into motor boating.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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