I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
