I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
