If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
