I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
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