are you still at the devil's house?
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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