The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
