At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
