Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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