please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
not ubering you a puppy
I enjoy the company of your penis
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
