My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
