Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Randomize
