evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
