We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I'm getting married
To pizza
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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