I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
