What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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