i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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