kristin has been a bad kristin
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
