My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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