you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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