New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
