I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
