The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
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