Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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