My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
do nipples grow back?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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