Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
