...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Randomize