I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Can I color on your dick again?
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
