i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
