you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
