Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
