I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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