I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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