So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
My pussy is not your playground.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
