woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
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