I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Randomize
