HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Randomize
