i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
