It's like a parade of train wrecks.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
