I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
