Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
