So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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