So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
