Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
now i know why i became what i already was.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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