It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
