There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
You peed on a flamingo?!?
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
