Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Randomize
