tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
