If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
