i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
