I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
