He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Randomize
