bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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