Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
