I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Randomize
