Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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