I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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