i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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