Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
