Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
