Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
