By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
